Ollie and Empathy

July.  Mississippi. 36 weeks pregnant.  I was over being pregnant, over feeling hormonal, over my body aching, over my children getting on my nerves, over my abundant desire to eat out every night.  I was over it.  41 weeks?  Oh yeah, I was totally and utterly over it.  

And very understanding of why an elective induction is appealing in late stages of pregnancy.  Let's just get it over with, shall we?  Homebirths and midwives are not conducive to getting the show started before every hormone is perfectly in sync but I day and night dreamed about cranking up the artificial hormones and turning my prodromal labor into some effective, baby bringing contractions.

^ From a woman who has great disdain for elective inductions.  

Then the back labor.  I hear women talking about back labor.  But I didn't get it. Oh yes, now I understand back labor.  And it is a bitch.  As was that raw abrasion on my back from Taylor's counter pressure with his palm.

^ From a woman who has been rather flippant about labor pains in the past.

And with intense emotions and intense back labor marches in Ollie....otherwise known as "high palate and mild posterior tongue tie boy".  I now understand why women give up on breastfeeding -- the pain of a crappy latch, the horrors of recurrent plugged ducts, the internal self doubt of whether or not your baby is getting enough, the googling for answers that just leads to more stress.  Thanks to breastfeeding my first two babies for a total of 3.5 years and having a wide circle of breastfeeding support, Ollie and I pushed through and things are significantly better at this point.  But I think of women crying with their babies at night because their breasts hurt and everyone in their life says just give the baby a bottle.  It is a common story and I feel blessed that it isn't my story.

^ From a woman who might not have reached out for help with her first baby.

Ollie. He is my little empathy giver.  

Secret Life of (un)Schooling

Homeschool has been on my mind a lot lately.  I vacillate between going crazy with my children underfoot, being thankful we can live frugally enough to keep me at home, wishing Mississippi would stop being the bane of my existence and allow unvaccinated children to attend daycare and school and being so flipping excited at the prospect of watching my children flourish under our guidance and love.

Yes.

It's a lot of work keeping up with all those conflicting thoughts and emotions.

But no matter if our unschool plans work out or not, you can't stop the teacher in me from coming out all.day.long.  Henry is very well-versed in the natural science world of our backyard and astounds me with his comprehension of books we read.  

He refuses to say his ABC's and has little interest in identifying numbers and letters but the kid can break down the life cycle of a moth, knows exactly what plants needs to thrive, explains that baby animals that come out of eggs don't drink mama's milk but babies that are born drink mama's milk and has a firm grasp on categorizing animals into herbivore or carnivore status.  

Tonight's post-bath activity involved him wearing my cowboy boots and his cowboy hat and using my robe's belt as his lasso to drag the rocking horse into a "safe, dark place so she can have her babies".  He proceeded to rearrange the furniture so she could rest behind a chair in a dark corner and I watched as he lifted up to her tail and the announce "there is another baby!".  We could only leave for our walk once I proclaimed his job was done -- the mama was healthy and comfortable and the babies were drinking their milk.

So yeah, we are doing our little unschool thing which involves us doing whatever we want to do and knowing that our kids' lives are enriched by it all.  Our biggest little's 4th birthday is just around the corner so we are firmly planted in "preschool" mode but I can't fathom our attitude changing about homeschooling our children anytime soon. 

Of course, I can't fathom Mississippi law to change anytime soon.  Or moving our of state anytime soon.  So here we sit.

Sitting like a mama bird on her little clay eggs.

Just doing our thing.

Duality of Dealing With Loss

Two friends and I talked about my miscarriage at a "let's have drinks" get-together a few days ago.  Maybe it was the irreverent atmosphere of the bar, the fact that my one beer was long finished implying that everyone else had moved on to subsequent drinks or maybe it's just because I have really amazing friends but this conversation was completely different than any other concerning my miscarriage.

One friend told how her mother had two miscarriages and the way her mother spoke of those losses was so positive that even as an adult with children of her own, she has a hard time remembering miscarriages are emotionally difficult for women.  

Another friend speculated that our culture's obsession with abortion and pro-life vs. pro-choice debates has created an environment making it even harder to overcome the emotional burdens of miscarriage.  During Mississippi's Personhood Amendment debacle, we were asked to decide if we believe life starts at conception.  Everybody in my circle, including myself, agreed that yes, life starts at conception.  Of course, I did *not* vote for the Personhood Amendment for a vast number of reasons but that doesn't change the fact that for months the hottest topic in my state was the discussion of whether or not life begins at conception.  And, that's just my local little tip of the iceberg.

We talked about how I really am doing okay.  How I believe my baby was not compatible with life.  How I believe everything is for a purpose.  Perhaps Baby Tomas's purpose was to teach me compassion.  Maybe not.  At this point, his purpose isn't clear and maybe it never will be.  But, his short little life certainly had a purpose.

And as strange as it seemed to say out loud, it felt really good to talk about how our loss has been immensely freeing for me.  No more physical hardships of pregnancy, no more worrying about how I would take care of a newborn and still give my very needy children the attention they desperately crave, no more rushing through my doula certification just to put everything on hold for a year with a new baby, no more worries about money.  The list goes on and on.

The duality of being thankful for the benefits of a miscarriage while at the same time mourning the loss of what could have been -- a beautiful round belly, a peaceful homebirth surrounded by my family and women who love me, a precious newborn, first steps, first words -- is a tribute to the spirit of life, especially the life of Baby Tomas.  

And for those of you who are dealing with these conflicting emotions and the aftermath of infant loss, I found this speech a huge inspiration for peace in my heart.  Spoken at a "Spirit Babies Ceremony" on the winter solstice in San Francisco in which women came together to honor babies lost through abortion, miscarriage and stillbirth on the longest night of the year, I hope it will grant you the same peace and perspective it gave me.  

And now I am off to do non-pregnant activities....like mentally plan a Spirit Babies ceremony in my own little town, prepare for my first doula birth, and obsess over how excited I am to attend a CAPPA Childbirth Educator course this fall. 

And, I really am okay with that. 

Not My Words.

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact, that children shelter there. 

Ours boasts of it quite openly, The signs are everywhere!

For smears are on the windows, Little smudges on the doors,

I should apologize I guess, For toys strewn on the floor,

But I sat down with the children, And we played and laughed and read,

And if the doorbell does not shine, Their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I'm forced to choose
The one job or the other
I want to be a housewife-
But first I'll be a Mother.
--Unknown

Ending the Endless Snacks.

As I predicted, writing the details of our loss dramatically cleared my brain of the internal whirl of the past week and a half.  Thank you so much for the kind words on all of my sad sad posts.  What little I've read about grief said that some people are internal grievers and others are external grievers.  Apparently I'm external.  It feels good to share and it feels good to know I have prayers, positive thoughts and lots of love and light heading my direction.  I need it all and it is much appreciated.

This weekend was a big fat disaster filled with lots of tears, snotty runny noses and bad attitudes from every corner of the house.  I woke up this morning with a sore throat but I was determined to break the ugly little cycle my family has become accustomed to.

Today was day 1 of my new life with two toddlers.  Just two toddlers.  And nothing else to focus on during the day.  Just my toddlers.  And having fun.  And not going crazy.  Emphasis on the 'not going crazy'.  Pretty sure that's my current goal in life.

Since Henry was a wee little bossy boy, I've considered having meal times, snack times and ending the endless grazing.  I figured that if I was ever going to do it, today would be the day to start.  My children need reigning in after a solid 1.5 weeks of crappy parenting on my end and a previous 5 weeks of lazy pregnant parenting.

So, I did it.  And, it worked!  They didn't beg for snacks all day.  We went to the park and they actually played rather than focusing on their snacks.  And more than anything...they ate meals.  Real meals.  Breakfast.  Lunch.  Dinner.

Surely I'm not the only mama who understands how momentous this is?
Seriously.

This is what I did:

1.  I made Henry and Liza a breakfast plate.  Their plates were essentially the same but a little different. Henry had toast with jelly, orange slices, almonds, and a slice of avocado.  Liza's plate had a peanut butter tortilla roll-up, orange slices, walnuts and a slice of avocado.  Liza and I share eggs every morning so I knew I could count on that as well.  They ate and then we covered up the leftovers with a napkin and left the plate on the table.  When they asked for a snack, I reminded them they could finish their breakfast plate.  Both kids nibbled a bit more but it was apparent they really weren't hungry.  They just enjoy new snacks.

2. Around 9:45, I gave the breakfast scraps to the chickens and the kids ate a snack of a slice of cake we baked on Sunday and shared a piece of fruit.

3.  Requests for more snacks were refused with the promise of lunch at noon.

4.  Lunch consisted of tuna fish on crackers, olives and a piece of cheese.  And, they ate their whole lunch!  Well, enough of it for me to be happy.  Seriously.  My kids are snackers.  This was huge for them to eat a proper meal.  I kept the olives and cheese leftovers out until about 3.

5.  At 3, they ate another piece of cake -- must finish this cake soon!! -- and a few slices of orange.

6.  And, then they ate supper at 5:30.  They.Ate.Supper.

Amongst other notable events of the day, I pushed through endless activities the kids enjoyed but dulled my brain to the max and resisted the urge to move to the next activity that I would find more interesting.   I can't be the only mother with a shorter attention span than my children....can I?

All in all, it was a great day.  A normal day.  A pre-pregnancy day.

With the added bonus that I wasn't preparing and barely cleaning up after an endless parade of snacks.

Now if I can just get little Lulu nightweaned, life might be even better than it was......before I got pregnant.....and miscarried.

Sad Sad News.

Without going into the details, an ultrasound confirmed our baby will not be joining our family in December.  At this point, all I can say is that I even more appreciate my two children and the everyday miracle of their healthy pregnancies and births.  And my friends who support me and are taking care of those little miracles today.  And my ob who intuitively understands my appreciation for my body's design.  And that I do have that appreciation, understanding and perspective to understand that these things happen and while I am sad sad sad, I know it will be okay.

Two out of three isn't bad.

I suppose.

Treasure Map and a Mississippi Giveaway!

*Giveway details at the end of the post*

A few months ago, I attended a "Treasure Map" workshop on a whim.  All I knew is that the morning would be focused on thinking about my goals and plans, I would bring home a finished product and the kids were going to stay with Mr. Messy.  As I felt an unexplainable urge to participate the night before the event, my heart told me I needed time to focus on myself any way I could get it. 

 The 4 hour long workshop consisted of sitting around a tight little table with a dozen women, most strangers, and the workshop leader, described by a friend as a "mystic".  We quickly got down to business discussing goals and obstacles holding us back from those goals.  I talked about how I wanted to write but was having internal conflict knowing  I didn't have the energy and I didn't want to find the time to dedicate myself to writing the way I envisioned.  Within the first hour I quickly realized it was okay to use blogging as my writing platform for now.  My writing career can wait until the kids are older and I am able to carve out more chunks of time during the day.  

That day I learned it is okay to wait for the future.

Several of the women had participated in Treasure Mapping in the past and all spoke of how their map helped to shape their immediate future.  I'll admit, I didn't think that was me.  My map was more about embracing the future and understanding the future doesn't have to start today.  Yet, as of 2 days ago, I have begun my doula certification through Birth Arts International and I really and truly feel that without my Treasure Map morning, I wouldn't have a clear picture of my life goals to guide me. 

So yeah.  I am a believer.

My treasure map:

The lines between the picture segments are dashed because even though each segment is an individual concept, there is fluidity between my present and future goals.  

I see the map as 3 columns:  lefthand, my "now"; center, my "forever"; righthand, my "future".

My family.

Too important for words or pictures to describe.

My blog.

My desire to leave Mississippi with the understanding I will always be a Mississippian.

The importance of female friends.

I will write and  I hope to honor the long literary tradition of Mississippi with my writings.

Serving women and babies.  

I honestly didn't think it would happen so soon but I am ready!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just because life, present and future, is SO GOOD and I am embracing Mississippi for everything it means to me,  I want you to embrace Mississippi too!  

Three winners will win a rocking Mississippi themed mixed disk made by Mr. Messy.

To enter:  Leave a short comment on this post telling me about your perception or thoughts on Mississippi, good or bad.  Just one word or a phrase is fine!

Bonus entry:  Share my Facebook status about this contest and leave a comment telling me you shared the status.

Contest ends on Monday, April 9, 2012.

Payday's Groceries.

As payday arrives, the fridge is empty.

The fruit has been long gone so my kids are happily snacking on carrots.

The rotten leftovers make me sad but the enthusiasm for the carrots definitely lighten the mood.

The morning of payday is spent meal planning and grocery list writing.

Can you tell little fingers grabbed the pen whilst shopping?

Post-grocery shopping is spent cleaning out the fridge and dumping out rotten leftovers.  

This week wasn't so bad on the leftover front but the chickens did enjoy the green and salmon cakes.

This is $140 worth of groceries spent at Wal-Mart (don't even get me started!) and Kroger.

The next 2 weeks are crazy so I only planned for 7 meals but I can always scrounge a meal if needed.

We will definitely run out of fruit but thank goodness for those 5 pound bags of organic carrots!  

Happy fridge!!!

Dr. Rick's Response

Remember my disgust at Dr. Rick recommending "12 Hours in 12 Weeks" to listeners of Southern Remedy?  I called into the show that day and explained how this book and the cultural phenomena of insisting young babies sleep through the night can be detrimental to breastfeeding relationships and followed up the call with an email.


I finally got a response from Dr. Rick.  Let's just say I am as unimpressed with his reply as I was with his original negative reaction to breastfeeding.  I have so much to say about his letter that I am honestly left speechless.....for now but possibly not forever :)


Although there are real advantages to breast feeding, the science shows that children who are not breast fed do just fine in the long run. I am very careful about making folks feel guilty about not doing it when it is difficult or impossible. I am sticking with this science on this.  Breastfeeding is best, but not essential in the long shot. If that changes, so will my opinion.  I know there are other heartfelt opinions on this and i respect them.

Hope this helps,
Dr. Rick

----------------------------------

Mississippi might have the fewest breastfed babies in the country but we certainly have our share of informed and passionate mamas.  Thank you, friends, for sending in your letters to Dr. Rick!

Dear Dr. Rick,

With your recent push on focusing on Mississippi's health and specifically our state's issue with obesity, one would expect you to be very knowledgeable and supportive of breastfeeding. The statistics on the health benefits of breastfeeding are outstanding and specifically the significantly lowered rush of obesity and childhood diabetes. The AAP suggests a minimum of 1 year which is lax compared to the WHO's recommendation of a minimum of 2 years. Recently, the AAP released a statement that breastfeeding is not a lifestyle choice but a public health issue. Support at all levels from hospitals to workplace to community to physicians is imperative in improving breastfeeding rates and reducing a multitude of health disparities. At a conference this past weekend, I was pleased to hear a Dept of Health leader proclaiming the benefits of breastfeeding to establish healthy eating habits among our children. I have included a link to a really great Time magazine article of the new AAP statement and it's impact. I'd also encourage you to connect yourself and your listeners with Dr. Rebecca Saenz who is a Specialist in Breastfeeding Medicine in Jackson. Her expertise not only benefits the metro area, but the entire state. She is known nationally and internationally for her expertise in the breastfeeding field and our state is lucky to have her.

Also, since you mentioned that breastfeeding is nearly impossible for working mother's, which it is not, I'd like to take the opportunity to commend our State for having such breastfeeding friendly laws in place. Not only is it written in the books that a woman is doing no wrong by breastfeeding her baby anywhere they have the right to be, but MS laws also provide that any workplace must allow a breastfeeding mother time and place to pump without exception and without negative consequences or penalties. This sets the stage for Mississippi workplaces being highly conducive to breastfeeding mothers. The issue arises in the lack of support elsewhere. Along with it's awful rates of childhood obesity and other health issues, Mississippi has some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the country. (correlation? I think so.)Here is the article I referred to that discusses breastfeeding as a public health issue:http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/29/why-pediatricians-say-breast-feeding-is-about-public-health-not-just-lifestyle/

Thanks!

Mandi

----------------------------------

Dear Dr. Rick,

I have listened to the show for years and there have been times I've disagreed with a statement or two on different topics. But the show this week on pediatrics left me very disappointed. When the caller from Starkville discussed breast feeding I felt like she received quite the brush off from you and Dr. Allyn. Not necessarily her personally but the importance of breast feeding in general. Considering the alarming state of health in Mississippi, especially concerning obesity and diabetes, I would think this would rate higher on your scale of importance. I know how hard you've worked and are currently working to help pull Mississippians up out of the bottom of the barrel in obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure rankings and I would have thought you would have been better informed on the benefits breast feeding has on the long term health of a child who receives it. The statements you and Dr. Allyn made regarding breast feeding made it sound like a lifestyle choice for moms. And while I agree that many many women have difficulty breast feeding for very long and some at all- I think it's inaccurate to say that there are a lot of women who can't breast feed. Our bodies were made by divine creation to feed our children. 

It's statements such as yours and the careless attitude of so many health professionals that gives women the idea that they probably won't be able to breast feed successfully-starting out with this type of atmosphere, how can anyone be expected to keep trying even when it's difficult-and it is especially at first. Sure, there are medical explanations for why some women can't breast feed but these cases are few and far between in comparison to the number of women who don't succeed due to lack of support and education. Also, one of the worst things a new mother can do for her breast feeding relationship is try and 'train' her baby to sleep thru the night before a strong supply has been established. Books like the '12 hour sleep in 12 weeks' are the cause of many a failed breast feeding relationship. If you stop removing the milk, your smart body stops making it. Please be careful of recommending such books without this information included.

I have included a few links to articles detailing the benefits of breast feeding for obesity and diabetes since I know fighting these is a passion of yours. The benefits of breast feeding go far beyond these two topics but I'm hoping that referencing two of your interests will have you interested enough to do a little more research and possibly have a show devoted entirely to breast feeding. Most Mississippi women are sadly uneducated on the topic and views such as your statements seemed to portray it-as a life style choice for the mother. Breast milk is the best gift a mother can give her newborn and with proper education and support most women can succeed in providing this lifelong gift to their children. Thanks for all that you do and I hope to hear more on this topic in the future, for the sake of Mississippi's children who so badly need the best start possible.

http://www.usbreastfeeding.org/NewsInfo/NewsRoom/201002PreventingObesityBeginsatBirth/tabid/169/Default.asp

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC28161/

http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2009/12/25/6495/evidence-deepens-that-breastfeeding-helps-moms-avoid-metabolic-syndrome-and-type-2-/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/21348815/

http://www.llli.org/nb/nbjulaug98p100.html 

Thank you,

A listener in Mississippi

Dear Mama of a Rough Little Boy,

Dear Mama of a Rough Little Boy,

It was a long day.

What did he do today?

Let me make a few guesses -- pull down the curtains, push down every child in sight, figure out how to unlatch and unlock the front door, throw all the fruit from the refrigerator out the doggy door, insist on reading the same dumb book over and over again, break a window on purpose, play in the dirt pile immediately after you swept, chase the dog, chase the cat, chase the chickens, chase the sister, break your favorite lamp even though you told him to get off the bookshelf 135 times, or did he bite you so hard you almost slapped his sweet little face?

None of those?

Then this letter isn't for you.

But, if you know all about being that mom who has the kid who pushes, kicks, bites and just generally plays too rough every moment of the day....please keep reading.

I know what it is like.  From the days when you leave the park on the first kick, to the days when you let the kicks slide because you need to be at the park so you don't have to be in the confined quarters of your house with your crazy child.

Trust me.  I understand.


So, from one mama of a rough little boy to another mama of a rough little boy, this is my (unsought) advice:


1. Drop the time-out.  Instead give him a 'time-in'.  When your instinct orders him into his room, take a step back and do something you will both enjoy.  Are you rewarding him for bad behavior?  No.  You are loving your child and modeling the proper way to deal with strong emotions.  When he is calm, then you can discuss the poor decisions made earlier.

2. Stay outside as much as possible.  This is a no-brainer but very important.  Drizzle, snow, heat.  It won't stop these boys.

3. Keep your expectations low.  Low.

4. Learn about toddler brain research and how brain development affects our toddlers' decisions.

5. Read lots of positive parenting blogs.  This is a great starter post.  

So tomorrow after you have told your rough little boy to keep his grimy little hands off baby sister for the 724th time, think about me.

And, I'll think about you.

Sincerely,
Laura OMML

Leap Day: Birth Celeb and Breastfeeding

Anybody watch last week's 30 Rock?  Basically, they created a fictional Leap Day holiday complete with the colors of blue and yellow, a cheesy tv movie and the belief that on Leap Day you are supposed to do all the things you would normally wouldn't do.


Minus the blue and yellow decor and the cheesy movie, that was pretty much how my Leap Day 2012 went.  Not only did I attend a rally at the state capitol to promote our bill regulating midwifery in Mississippi but I met my first birth celebrity, Jill Arnold, of The Unnecesarean. I had the opportunity to really talk to her and tell her how I see women's lives directly impacted by her exposure of our country's cesarean rate hospital by hospital.  


And, yeah, I totally teared up as I was telling her she is one of my heroes.  


You can listen to Jill and Bianca, president of Mississippi Friends of Midwives, participate in an interview on a local radio program here.    Let's just say that every time I listen to Jill tell the state of Mississippi that Woman's Hospital in Jackson, Mississippi has a 58% c-section rate, I can't help but clap my hands.  This woman really is drawing back the curtain on the unnecessary cesarean epidemic.  


But before that exciting event occurred, I finally called into "Southern Remedy", a local radio show concerning various health topics hosted by two doctors.  Let's just say I've been irked multiple times in the past but the line was drawn on Leap Day.   The topic was pediatrics and Dr. Rick started the hour off by recommending a book about how to train your baby to sleep 12 hours by 12 weeks old.  


At least he didn't recommend BabyWise.  I'm pretty sure they would have had to forcibly cut me off of that topic.

My comment begins at exactly 14 minutes.  Please excuse my frazzled start because my children apparently thought that being asked to be quiet while mama talked on the radio was an open invitation to scream and holler.

You can listen here.  

If you want to get upset, please continue to listen after my comment ends.  Let's just say it was a good thing I had important things to do (i.e. get to Jackson to meet Jill Arnold) or I would have called back in to comment on just about every topic discussed.

The following is my emailed response to Leap Day's episode on pediatrics.  I'll let you know if I get a response.

------------------------------------------

Dear Dr. Rick,

As a Mississippian deeply concerned about our state's public health crisis, I have followed Southern Remedy:  Mississippi's Big Problem with great interest.  I truly believe you are positively impacting the future of Mississippi by bringing light to the issue of obesity and the ever-expanding web of it's effects.

So, you can imagine my disappointment when you failed to promote breastfeeding as a public health issue, especially since according to the CDC's Breastfeeding Report Card, Mississippi was 49th in breastfeeding rates in 2011.  Any discussion of pediatric care should begin with the benefits of breastfeeding for our youngest Mississippians.  Mississippi Department of Health states:

Breastfeeding has been shown to significantly decrease an infant's chances of developing a number of harmful conditions, including obesity, ear infections, respiratory infections, gastrointestinal infections, leukemia, diabetes and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Breastfeeding is also beneficial for mothers, reducing the likelihood of premenopausal breast cancer, ovarian cancer and Type 2 Diabetes. Additional maternal benefits of breastfeeding include improving the mother and child bond and lessening the likelihood of infant abuse and neglect.

Considering the AAP's most recent release on breastfeeding was just published online on February 27, 2012 and states that "given the documented short- and long-term medical and neurodevelopmental advantages of breastfeeding, infant nutrition should be considered a public health issue and not only a lifestyle choice",  I am thoroughly ashamed you did not use your show on pediatrics as a time to highlight the importance of breastfeeding to battle obesity, amongst it's other well-documented benefits. 

I would also like to state that many Mississippi women make the choice to provide the biologically correct form of nutrition for their babies even if they work outside the home.  Mississippi law states it is unlawful to prohibit discrimination against a breastfeeding mother who uses her break time to express milk and President Obama signed a law in 2010 dictating employers allow reasonable breaks for pumping mothers.  With a good pump and emotional support, Mississippi women have no reason to view a job as an end to her breastfeeding relationship with her child.

Please do not allow your personal feelings in regards to reassuring women in your life about their choice to use formula to cloud your judgement while discussing breastfeeding on air.  Mississippi babies deserve the best and not only is a mother's milk the best food for her baby, it also has well-documented benefits for the mother too.

So.  What can you do to repair the broken lines of communication regarding the promotion of breastfeeding in our very unhealthy state?  I would like to see a future Southern Remedy dedicated to breastfeeding.  Mississippi is very fortunate to have Dr. Rebecca Saenz and her Mississippi Breastfeeding Medicine Clinic located in Madison.  I would love for listeners to hear Dr. Saenz answer breastfeeding questions and give the all-important 'woman to woman' support to callers.

Your listeners deserve to hear the truth about breastfeeding.

Sincerely, 

Laura 

Nothing was easy.

Yesterday was one of those days.

One of those days you just want to forget about.

And, forget, I did.

I would have bet $1000 that today was Monday rather than Tuesday.

Seriously.

One of those days when nothing is easy.

Zilch.  Nada.  Doodly Squat.

Personally, I think sitting in your carseat about to depart for the park to play with friends should be easy.

Not yesterday.

Nope.  Nothing was easy yesterday.

Oh, the nights of the endless latch.

Breastfeeding is a relationship between mother and child.  A relationship cultivated from the first moment of life earthside.  A relationship nurtured around the clock during the early months.  A relationship constantly evolving as your newborn becomes your baby and your baby becomes your toddler.

And like all relationships, balance is necessary.  If baby is hungry, nurse.  If mama is engorged, nurse.  If baby needs soothing after a fall, nurse.  If mama desperately needs to veg out on the internet, nurse.  Give and take.  Take and give.  

Mutual satisfaction is also necessary to maintain balance.  As baby grows, her needs change from the days of nursing for survival to the days of the casual sips, constant nursing because everything else is too boring and the nights of the endless latch.  

Oh, the nights of the endless latch.  

And, it's not impossible to imagine how a laid back mama with a love of breastfeeding to keep that baby quiet and happy finds herself at a crossroads when she can no longer tolerate nights of the endless latch.

Oh, the nights of the endless latch.  

Several months ago, I told myself I was ready to night wean Liza.  I was ready to sleep uninterrupted and I was ready for her to magically sleep in her crib all night.  Yet, something was holding me back.  I talked and thought a lot about night weaning but I didn't make much movement in that direction.  Then, we took out my bed and put the mattress on the ground and all of a sudden we had a safe co-sleeping bed.  After selling the crib I had a weirdly freeing emotion surrounding our sleep environment -- partially the realization that my babies had outgrown the crib and partially the realization that any future babies would be co-sleepers from day one -- I had a new sense of peace about our sleep arrangements:

There is no need for us to have strict boundaries of who sleeps where.  Mr. Messy with Henry.  Liza with me.  It's obviously not our permanent arrangement but that doesn't mean it isn't right today.  

Oh wait.  That isn't right for today.  As of 5 nights ago, Liza in my bed was no longer beneficial to our breastfeeding relationship.  My aching shoulder from laying on the same side all night, the clogged ducts from learning how to properly night nurse while laying on my other side, an increasing feeling of being touched out after days of mothering my children and full-contact baby all night.  The list goes on.

It had to change.  I knew it had to change.  I knew it had to change soon but I was still at a loss.

Then, I freaked out.  As in, total hysteria on the verge of shutting down because I simply could not handle another night of Liza waking up and nursing her back to sleep.  Mr. Messy took over and decided  it was officially time to move her to Henry's bed to break the habit of night nursing.  The first night was rough and while there was definitely crying involved, there was no crying it out as her daddy soothed her and she had the sleeping presence of her big brother next to her.  Each night was better and it seemed she was well on her way to sleeping through the night.

That is, of course, until she got in bed with me last night and nursed to her little heart's content.  She wasn't having a good night and she needed some mama love.  And, it didn't feel like a fail at all to give in to that pitiful sleepy baby girl and do what was needed to keep her asleep.  

It's a delicate balance for sure and one I find much easier to handle after several nights of uninterrupted sleep.  Of course, everything is easier without nights of the endless latch.  

Everything.  

Surely I'm Not the Only Mama Who.....pt.2

1. Realizes her pajamas are dirty because she has been wearing them for 3 straight days.
2. Pulls a digital thermometer, a baby sock and a wet clump of cereal out of her Dyson vacuum cleaner after noticing the suction wasn't quite up to par.
3. Has a backyard that looks like a daycare with all the riding toys.
4. Manages to cook a delicious black bean soup out of a totally empty refrigerator the day before payday.
5. Keeps putting clean and dried random socks back into the washing machine because they don't have a match.
6. Is ready for a certain little 18 month old to become more independent at the park so I can rejoin the ranks of the mamas who sit their butts on a bench.
7. Cuts raw vegetables into teeny tiny little cubes and calls them "baby food" for her baby loving children.
8. Has a son who insists on eating an unwashed red bell pepper in the grocery store.
9. Is shocked about how many people question her about how her son is eating a "hot pepper".  It was so obvious we live in the unhealthiest state in the country.
10. Only reads the first sentence of each page on books I don't like or I am tired of reading on repeat.  Works every time unlike the old turn a bunch of pages at once trick.

Am I the only one?

She barely even cried.

For the past week, Liza hasn't slept.  At all.  As in, she wakes up starting at 9:30, nurses just long enough to get really really mad at something, screams hysterically until she decides she likes my milk again and then refuses to delatch.  Wash.  Rinse.  Repeat.  All night long.

It's not hard to imagine that I'm not a fan of this version of nighttime parenting.  I would even say I hate this little routine as much as the hysterical 18 month old hates it.  And, trust me.  She really hates something during these bouts of hysterical screaming.

And no.  Her teeth are fine.  Her ears are fine.  Her eczema is fine.  

Her attitude and her sleep habits?  Not so fine.

Tonight we decided to do something different because apparently what we are doing isn't working out so great.  I got her to sleep and then moved her to over to Henry's bed.  Of course, this fully woke her up because she was pretty excited to be in big brother's bed but whatever.  I pushed through and got her to sleep again.

2 hours later.  Awake.  I would call it mass hysteria except she was the only one crying.  Until I started crying later.  

So yeah.  Mass hysteria.

I finally got her back to sleep in my bed.  She was asleep and I was still crying.  

Something has to change. 

Mr. Messy and I decided he would take over next time she wakes up.  I was seriously prepared for her to scream until I could no longer handle it and then I would rescue her as always.  

The child cried for 3 minutes as her daddy rocked her.  3 minutes.  Let me say it again.  3 minutes.  I was so prepared for the worst that it didn't occur to me she might not even put up a fight.  

Right now she has been asleep in the bed with her daddy and her brother for, oh, 30 minutes.  Without nursing.  Oh, the things I rejoice in as a mama to these children.

I'm not sure how this night is going to work out but I finally see light at the end of this dark tunnel.  

Amen and The End.

10-2=8

1.  I've been cleaning and organizing.  Therefore, not blogging.  Not sure why the three are not compatible for me but it always works that way.  On the upside, I've made some much needed extra cash by selling things straight out of my kids' closets and my kitchen cabinets.  Very nice indeed.

2.  Since deep cleaning and organizing is a notable event in my life, I shall expound:  kitchen was completely cleared out, scrubbed and reorganized.  Liza's crib was sold, her crib mattress situated next to my mattress and her room is our new playroom!  This is something I've wanted to do for a very long time and it was totally worth the wait.  I feel like our little playroom is our little unschool classroom of sorts.  The linen closet was decluttered and totally reorganized back into working order.  Aaannnddd,  I took a massive amount of my summer clothes to our local ladies consignment store.  It's been a busy week to say the least.

3.  I've also discovered Party Down on Netflix Instant Viewing.  It's pretty much the funniest thing I've watched in ages.  

4.  So many things I want to blog about:  night weaning or the lack of, lots of good recipes, Henry's need to be wrapped up so tight and go so dark a la Temple Grandin's hug machine, more thoughts on Mississippi, a friend's Hypnobirthing hospital birth story, a video of Liza spinning like a mad woman in the doorway mounted baby bouncer, a detailed explanation of different maternity care providers, the list goes on and on.  Yet, here I am blogging about blogging.  Very strange.

5.  This morning I made my first 'life map' or 'treasure map' with a lovely group of diverse women.  Not only was it enriching to spend my morning with like-minded women but I truly feel more secure in my current place in life.  I fully intend on taking an artfully composed photo of my (non)artistic lifemap but it didn't happen today so I don't dare write about the experience without the accompanying photo.  Yep.  Still blogging about blogging.

6.  I am ready to let Henry and Liza try sleeping together in Henry's big bed at night so we asked Henry his thoughts on the situation.  He was very very excited until Mr. Messy said that would mean he wasn't in the bed to snuggle and hold him tight.  That little boy's face fell in an instant.  He was so sad thinking about not snuggling with his dada all night long.  Of course, this led to the conversation about how Mr. Messy really should step it up and sleep with both kids at night.  A girl can at least dream about occupying the whole bed to herself, right?

7.  I have a cosleeping injury -- apparently, I'm not quite finished with #6 -- my left arm aches and aches and pretty much no longer properly functions.  This achey ache combined with my non-functioning left baby holding elbow makes easy activities difficult.  This is no longer new news to my family so I will likely feel the need to talk more about this in the future before it becomes old news to you too.

8.  My arm still hurts.

Crying It Out: Then and Now.

I always knew we would let Henry cry it out when he was a baby.  I read plenty online about different techniques and styles and finally settled on a plan that worked for us.  Starting around 7 months I began a long process of transitioning him to fall back asleep at night without nursing.  I was quite systematic as I nursed and rocked incrementally less for a couple of months until I felt like I had pushed him as far as I could on my own and that was the point where we let him cry.  I remember letting him cry for just a few minutes as a time and going in to pat him on the back and tell him everything is okay and then leaving the room again.  Then at some point, it got to where he would cry and then go to sleep.  Wake up.  Cry.  And, then go to sleep again.

Then Liza is born.  And, the crying it out was instantly banished from our house.  Crying is still quite fashionable for my children but crying it out in a lonely room just so the kid will go to sleep is no longer an option for us.

When I look back on Henry crying it out, I think about how cold our house gets.  How snuggly he is.  How he is very particular about his blanket arrangement.  How sometimes his jammies get tangled and he needs a little help to get everything straightened out.   But mostly I think about how much he loves sharing his bed with his daddy and how glad I am they have that time together and I try to push the regret of all those tears into a place where I can focus on today.

I don't want to sound preachy.  I don't want to sound judgey.  I'm not even going to write all the things I have to say about crying it out, and trust me there is a lot, because it probably will sound preachy and it probably will sound judgey, even if it isn't meant in that way.

I just want for mamas and daddies to focus on the big picture and then decide if they want to let their babies cry.

If it is still right for your family, fine.

But, if you have even a glimmer of doubt, pick that baby up and keep on rocking.

I promise you will have a sleeping baby eventually.

My son is a photog.

Henry likes taking pictures with my camera.

Most look like this color scape.

But, this afternoon he snapped these pictures of Liza nursing after her nap.

A sweet moment captured by my sweet boy.

An Even Five.

1.  Liza loves colors.  She is endlessly fascinated by repeating various color names.  However, she can not identify any colors on her own.  Her default used to be 'orange' but now she says things are 'blue', 'yellow' and 'pu-ple'.  It's pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen.

2.  I started oil pulling today.  As in right now.  I am currently swishing 1 tablespoon of sesame oil around in my mouth.  It is pretty much exhausting.  My poor jaws are about done and I'm only 7 minutes into my 20 minute devoted time block.  For those of you not in the know, kinda like me until just last night, oil pulling is an ancient Ayurvedic process of drawing toxins from your body pretty much curing you of all your ailments according to www.oilpulling.com.  If it's Ayurvedic, I believe it so we shall see how it goes. All I know at this point is that my jaws are weak and more tired by the second.

3.  Henry and I baked these oatmeal cookies tonight.  I made them dairy-free by using 1/2 cup coconut oil and 1/2 cup palm shortening in lieu of the butter.  I also cut back the sugar by half a cup.  Delicious.  And, it makes a lot of cookies so I am planning on freezing the remaining dough for future use.  Okay.  I won't lie.  I'm sure I'll bake them tomorrow night.  Okay.  More like early tomorrow afternoon.

4.  My newest line of thought is centered around biological norms versus cultural norms.  Lots to think about.  Too much for a blog post.  More thinking is needed.

5.  I just went back to www.oilpullingwww.oilpulling.com.com to check on my tired jaws issue.  "If your jaw muscles get sore while swishing, you're putting too much into it. Relax your jaw muscles and use your tongue to help move the liquid around the inside of your mouth. When you do this correctly, you'll feel very comfortable. Pretty soon."  Good to know.    

Sh*t Crunchy Mamas didn't say...

So.

This video seriously cracked me up.

Like.

Made me LOL.

And, remember I don't use silly acronyms.

But.

MamaNaturalBlog is missing a few hot button topics for the typical natural mama:

fear of plastics and bpa

probiotics (although that seems to be a jar of water kefir at 5 seconds)

nursing an active toddler

extended rearfacing carseats

unassisted birth versus midwife attended birth

raw milk

grass-fed beef

backyard chickens

reusable, um, everything

cleaning with vinegar

news articles via your Facebook newsfeed

Am I missing anything else?

And.

I think you will like this too.

I know I did.