As I predicted, writing the details of our loss dramatically cleared my brain of the internal whirl of the past week and a half. Thank you so much for the kind words on all of my sad sad posts. What little I've read about grief said that some people are internal grievers and others are external grievers. Apparently I'm external. It feels good to share and it feels good to know I have prayers, positive thoughts and lots of love and light heading my direction. I need it all and it is much appreciated.
This weekend was a big fat disaster filled with lots of tears, snotty runny noses and bad attitudes from every corner of the house. I woke up this morning with a sore throat but I was determined to break the ugly little cycle my family has become accustomed to.
Today was day 1 of my new life with two toddlers. Just two toddlers. And nothing else to focus on during the day. Just my toddlers. And having fun. And not going crazy. Emphasis on the 'not going crazy'. Pretty sure that's my current goal in life.
Since Henry was a wee little bossy boy, I've considered having meal times, snack times and ending the endless grazing. I figured that if I was ever going to do it, today would be the day to start. My children need reigning in after a solid 1.5 weeks of crappy parenting on my end and a previous 5 weeks of lazy pregnant parenting.
So, I did it. And, it worked! They didn't beg for snacks all day. We went to the park and they actually played rather than focusing on their snacks. And more than anything...they ate meals. Real meals. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner.
Surely I'm not the only mama who understands how momentous this is?
This is what I did:
1. I made Henry and Liza a breakfast plate. Their plates were essentially the same but a little different. Henry had toast with jelly, orange slices, almonds, and a slice of avocado. Liza's plate had a peanut butter tortilla roll-up, orange slices, walnuts and a slice of avocado. Liza and I share eggs every morning so I knew I could count on that as well. They ate and then we covered up the leftovers with a napkin and left the plate on the table. When they asked for a snack, I reminded them they could finish their breakfast plate. Both kids nibbled a bit more but it was apparent they really weren't hungry. They just enjoy new snacks.
2. Around 9:45, I gave the breakfast scraps to the chickens and the kids ate a snack of a slice of cake we baked on Sunday and shared a piece of fruit.
3. Requests for more snacks were refused with the promise of lunch at noon.
4. Lunch consisted of tuna fish on crackers, olives and a piece of cheese. And, they ate their whole lunch! Well, enough of it for me to be happy. Seriously. My kids are snackers. This was huge for them to eat a proper meal. I kept the olives and cheese leftovers out until about 3.
5. At 3, they ate another piece of cake -- must finish this cake soon!! -- and a few slices of orange.
6. And, then they ate supper at 5:30. They.Ate.Supper.
Amongst other notable events of the day, I pushed through endless activities the kids enjoyed but dulled my brain to the max and resisted the urge to move to the next activity that I would find more interesting. I can't be the only mother with a shorter attention span than my children....can I?
All in all, it was a great day. A normal day. A pre-pregnancy day.
With the added bonus that I wasn't preparing and barely cleaning up after an endless parade of snacks.
Now if I can just get little Lulu nightweaned, life might be even better than it was......before I got pregnant.....and miscarried.