Sunday, June 24, 2012

On Budgets and Booties:

Two things are consuming my mind this weekend:

1.  Our budget.  We are back to budgeting because when you are poor, you can't buy everything you want and you can't do everything you want to do.  Even when all you really want to buy is enough fruit to keep your kids happy for an entire week and buy cheap (cheap) cheap stuff from the thrift store.  Especially when the saddest thing that has ever happened in your life costs almost $300 in medical bills and you pay your bills in full without dipping into savings.  I promise I don't dwell on that sad event constantly in real life, it just keeps coming up on OMML.  This month is tight and even though our kids still have plenty of fresh, locally grown fruit from the farmer's market, I wish we could have more.  And, even though I cheated and charged $6 to the debit card at the thrift store because I didn't have any cash and I desperately wanted a pair of brand spanking new jeans that fit perfectly and a book I've been itching to read, I wish I could have dug through the clothes racks until I found brand new Ann Taylor Loft sweaters like I always do.

But, I can't. 
And, I won't.

Because I finally have the insight to know that this budget is more than paying bills and saving our pennies.  It is about delayed gratification -- something I hope my kids have at an early age after learning about the "Marshmallow Test for Success" -- and knowing that I don't need stuff to make me happy.  

And truth by told, maybe less stuff will make me happy.  After all, I am paying for yoga with the monies from selling unsused stuff around the house.  My biggest complaint about our house has always been the horrible kitchen storage space and these days I have more than enough room since selling off everything I don't use. 

 That's nice.  
I can complain about the budget but at least I don't have to complain about the lack of storage space anymore.  

2.  Liza has been out of diapers for 3 days.  She has only peed in the potty 3 times.  Like her much beloved pup-pups, she prefers the grass.  Can't blame her since she watches big brother pee outside all day, every day.  But, she's not a boy so it's not quite as convenient for her.  Good thing we love little girl dresses and I am laid back about things like this.

I keep telling myself that she will find the potty in due time.  And, then I tell myself again.  And, again.  And, then I tell myself that it will happen when she is ready and this is an amazing first step at 22.5 months old.  And, then I remind myself to breathe.  

Just breathe.  
And clean up the pee.  

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I could be blogging about...

I haven't been blogging much.  My evenings are filled with emailing doula clients, working on my doula certification, reading birth research and blogs and oh yeah, mindlessly zoning out on Facebook.

Things will happen during the day and I think -- hmm, a few months ago, I would have blogged about this.

But, alas, no blogging is done.

Still not taking many pictures of my kids.  My camera is frustrating me and I get a case of "the wants" every time I take it out and it doesn't perform as well as I think it should.

But, I really want to thank all of my readers for being my outlet when life was hard post-miscarriage.  Blogging was my quiet place, my peace and my solace when my brain was in overload and I couldn't sort out my emotions.  I am in a good place now and honestly can't fathom the thought of pregnancy and a third baby.  Twinges of sadness and loss strike when I hear about newly discovered pregnancies and a part of me feels like every pregnancy is doomed like mine was.  But, then I think of the million of birth stories I read and all the birth videos I watch and it's hard to balance all those babies with the fact that I feel like pregnancy is a loss cause.

So....I didn't intend to write about miscarriage.....but, you know, this is my happy place and apparently this is what I want to talk about.

Maybe one of these days I'll get back to writing about all this ridiculous amount of baking I've been doing and how I've mastered the food processor for all my mixing, creaming and beating needs.

Or I could write about how Henry is a full-fledge devotee to Netflix.  Or not.  Because then I would have to take back that post about how my kids don't want television.  What?  It doesn't count when it's on the computer?  Great!

And, birth.  I can always write about birth.  I could write a bit about how I'm much more tempered on my opinions regarding birth.  Or not.  Because then I might have to take back all those highly opinionated birth posts from a while back.  But, yeah.  I still think those thoughts but I realize that some things might be better left in my brain.  Or not.  Because I still think elective induction is pretty crappy.

Liza.  She would be easy to write about.  She is one cute little cookie.  Even when she is hysterically throwing herself on the floor because I scooted her chair 6 inches too far to the left.  Or because I won't let her walk backwards on the kitchen counter.  Or because I stop her from trying to climb onto the sun canopy of the stroller while in mid-walk.

Or that I FINALLY left the BlogHer network.  It was an honor to be included because a lot of my favorite blogs are a part of BlogHer but let's get real.  I have been a mouthpiece for a bunch of crappy products I would never ever ever use and I got paid squat.  Diddly squat.  Buh-bye.

I do suppose there isn't much left to add to the "greening my life" page though.  Except when I turn that bulk box of baking soda into washing soda in my very own oven.  That will definitely deserve a blog post.

Here I am blogging about blogging....

Does that count?

Monday, June 4, 2012

Changing Perceptions on Birth

I'm a birth junky.  I like the physical reality of giving birth -- the role of hormones, the position of the baby, contractions, dilation, pushing positions, impact of care providers and support teams, statistics on cesareans and epidurals, history of birth in America.
I like it all.
It's my drug.

But, my doula work has shifted my feelings on birth.  Visiting with families about their pregnancy and birth plans and finally witnessing my first doula baby's birth has given me insight into the very personal nature of bringing a baby earthside.

The physical reality of labor isn't what matters to a woman in labor.  I'm glad to know how the motherbaby functions to give birth but what matters to the birthing couple is the feeling of support, respect , informed consent and open lines of communication.

I'm still learning this doula role but with each consultation and with each prenatal appointment, I see constants:  the need to understand hospital interventions before the possible need arises and reassurance their decisions will be respected by hospital staff.

The need to not feel a loss of control in the hospital machine, in the laboring woman's body and mind and in the emotions of the partner is paramount to having positive thoughts regarding your birth.

This could just one big fat plug for my doula business, Southern Nurture Birth Services, but it's not.  Of course, if you are local I don't mind if you get in touch with me about availability for your due date and setting up a consultation.

But, that's not what this is about.  Although more business would be nice.  It's about a woman's right to feel in control of the birth of her baby she has been growing for the past 40+ weeks.  It's about a woman's right to listen to her intuition and make decisions she feels are right.

This lesson was reinforced even more a few days ago when a friend elected for a repeat cesarean in lieu of her planned VBAC.  She got to choose the terms of the surgical birth and she has no regrets.  It was a great reminder for me that birth is more the mechanics of pushing a baby out.  When Mondria isn't busy with a toddler, a newborn, tandem nursing, changing 2 sets of cloth diapers and doing everything else a mama has to do she is going to share her story on Our Messy Messy Life.

Stay tuned....