Monday, March 5, 2012

We are a night wean failure.

And, I'm okay with it.

But, let's keep it real.  I'm only okay with it because I have no choice.  The child simply wasn't ready.

I thought she was ready.
I still feel like she should be ready.
But, she has made it loud and clear she still needs her "mitt" at night.

A boob in the mouth of a sleeping babe is better than a boob in a shirt with a screaming babe.

Trust me.

The plan eventually evolved into me nursing Liza to sleep in my bed with Mr. Messy transferring a sleeping Liza to Henry's bed for the remainder of the night.  The first week went well.  Not great but it went well.  Then we hit a bump in the road.  A very bad night.  Liza came back in the bed with me for some mama cuddles and mama milk to soothe a very upset baby girl and the next night she remembered the previous.  And, she was mad.  She knew I was in my bed.  She knew the milk was in my bed.  And, she was pissed she wasn't there.  Then the drama moved into daylight hours when she became hysterical every time Mr. Messy tried to hold her so I could do something our of her immediate sight or if I left the room without first consulting her.  The child who has never been neglected for a moment in her life was obviously traumatized by our attempt to night wean her.  To me, it felt like she no longer trusted I was always there for her.  And, that makes me sad beyond belief.


I gave in.

She is back to nursing all night with a few nights of solid sleep as a respite for me.

And, I really am okay with it.

It is what it is and it won't last forever.



The Quinns said...

Hang in there mama! I can't imagine how frustrating it must be! But like you said, she's never been neglected a day in her life and she knows you love her and she trusts you. I can imagine her sudden shift to serious separation anxiety made you feel like she didn't trust you but you know she does. She's a lucky girl surrounded by lots and lots of love. You'll figure it out and move past this when everybody's ready-but man it must suck that y'all are ready and she's not having it! Wish I had a magic fix to pass on but no luck here! But I would recommend a nice relaxing dose of an adult beverage before your bedtime! I think the Abita Strawberry beer is out...just a thought! (not that I encourage drinking in a nursing mom but one beer for your sanity can't hurt right??)

Shelley said...

I was a night wean failure too.  Until I wasn't. We went for 20 months, nursing every 2 to 3 hours.  Finally, I was just so physically exhausted and emotionally drained, we had to stop.  And as hard as it was, I really miss it.  And I am looking forward to the arrival of the next baby this summer and nursing him/her whenever he/she wants it.  Seriously, whenever.

Emily said...

I have a question about breast feeding. I realize this doesn't really go with this post but I knew you would know the answer! My daughter's pediatrician told me at her 2 week check up that my daughter should be on a vitamin D supplement b/c she is exclusively nursed. I thought mother's milk is perfect, so is the supplement necessary?

Angie said...

I really believe these kids know what they need.  My first was weaned from night nursing easy as pie, thought I had it mastered.  However, my second came along and it was a different story all together.  He was almost 3 before he kicked the habit of every 2-3 hours all night.  I was tired and thought that it would never end and I had truly failed.  Alas he is a thriving 10 year old boy who sleeps all night without nursing:)  He does often crawl into our bed though...and I'm ok with that.

LauraOMML said...

Yeah.  Through this I've realized I'm not quite ready to give up either and I'm obviously not going to push her before she is ready because my push when I thought she was ready was a huge flop.  Congratulations on a new summer baby!  

LauraOMML said...

I never gave my babies vitamin d until last fall when I started vitamin d as a supplement to boost their immune system during winter.  This article from KellyMom lays it all out.....and thank you for your confidence in me!

LauraOMML said...

Totally agree.  I want to follow her lead and I believe she knows exactly what she needs.  I don't feel like a failure per se, just a failure at our first night weaning attempt :)  Surely it won't go on until she is 3.......I need hope!

Mandi Sanders said...

Not a failure...just as with everything AP and babyled...following her lead. If she needs a little longer, it's fine and if you're good with it, too, then it's not a failure. It's a 2 person relationship and if you're both good, then youre both good :) Also, one of my good friends always told me that nightweaning really just needed to be done by mama. Dad was there as back up and to let mama nap, but that she tried the move out the bed and sleep with dad thing and every variation of Dad taking her little ones and every single time as soon as she would step in or bring the baby back to bed with her, boom! The freak out, the nursing...everything was back even if her kiddos had be nightweaned sleeping with dad for 2 weeks. With her 3rd and 4th kiddo, she said she finally had her a ha! moment and nightweaning was a breeze with them with no setbacks, b/c she tackled it initially herself. Do all the little things to prep for the next try and then, go for it! I think Tripp and Charlie were so easy b/c I did it slowly and just cut back a feeding or 2 at a time or would apply a little bit of Dr. jack newman's nightweaning plan to it by stretching out the non nursing portion of the night a little at a time.  (well not EASY but not nights of screaming all night long. they both were okay with the other options of being soothed to sleep I offered eventually and there were plenty of sleepless nights. but nightweaning was magic for STTN) Yall will get there. In the least she's really cute!

LauraOMML said...

She really is the cutest thing I've ever seen.