Tuesday, June 7, 2011

In which I try to learn a life lesson.

I'm really feeling it these days.  Tired.  Apathetic about a dirty house and supperless nights.  It doesn't even bother me when I see Liza toting a ziploc bag around the house.  Seriously.

Life with our two babies has changed, yet again.  Just when I'm feeling good about my life as a mama, things change and I feel left in the dust with these children three miles ahead of me.  In my former life I would have been quick to say I am "flexible; good with change".  Now I'm  not so sure.

Liza is taking 3-4 steps at a time and I really think she will be walking within the week!!!  I really like a little baby walking so this is a great development for me.  She is also only content playing with Henry's toys, namely his much beloved trains, which is not such a great aspect of anyone's day as this tendency tends to cause great drama and tears shed by both kids.

Henry is still refusing naps in his "I no need go night night" manner.  But the catch is, he really does neep a nap.  He turns into demon child around 1:00 and wants me to "lay" on the couch with him by 4:00.  He can't seem to understand that I would *love* to "lay" with him but it's just not going to happen, kid.  The exact moment I lay down on the couch with him is the exact moment Liza decides to attempt to pick at the duct tape covering the faulty plug, or she crawls into the bathroom, or she gets stuck under a chair, or, or , or.  Trust me, it's always something.  He also doesn't listen to anything I say but I'll just leave that sentiment alone without further explanation.  I have a feeling the discourse would get lengthy...

The thing is, I am having to work really  hard keeping these little people happy.  It's hard.  And, I'm having a hard time adjusting to not having 'me' time during the day.  I'm seriously missing those days when I could pop on the internet, upload a few pictures, work on a blog post, check my facebook pages, read a few blogs, veg out on a birth story.  I'm also really missing leisurely preparing dinner during Henry's 4 hour naps and I'm pretty sure Taylor is missing eating dinner,  too.  And of course the house is messy...

Are you seeing a trend?  It's all about me.  What I am missing.  Why I am tired.  How I don't have any time for....yep, me me me.

These children are truly teaching me a lesson on selflessness.

While I'm having an extrodinarily difficult time taking this lesson to the next step, Taylor deserves some serious props.  Henry is in a not so great place with sleep right now battling between refusal to accept sleep as a positive aspect of life, the bad owl living in his air vent and a new fear of the dark.  He needs security at night that all is right in his world and that translates to Taylor becoming his bed buddy.  Taylor lovingly and willingly lays down with him at night until they are both sound asleep, gets out of bed when I um, remember to fetch him and then returns to Henry's bed for the rest of the night.  It is not a sleep arrangement we ever fathomed but it is what our little boy needs right now and at this point, we are just glad everybody is getting some sleep.


So, this morning, I am thankful for having some 'me' time as Liza is content playing with  cords and pieces of paper from the recycling bin  her new water bottle and Henry's new habit of sleeping late when he doesn't take a nap the previous day.  I am thankful for my kids' attempt to teach me little life lessons and of course, I am thankful for my husband who is along for this crazy ride of parenting our babies.

 And, I am thankful for you.  Thankful for having an audience willing to read my crazy, endless analysis of the trials and tribulations of parenting and thankful for the many comments reminding me that I am not alone in taking this parenting business seriously.  Thank you.

10 comments:

Laurin said...

I totally feel your pain!!! I have some similar issues. Just yesterday I was WISHING my two would nap at the same time (so I could clean up... aka, take a nap myself) but I kept reminding myself that the only one on one time I get with either of them is when the other one is napping. I have already given up on having a clean house or a meal that takes more than 10 minutes to prepare. That bothers me but I'm the one who wants a clean house... the kids don't care. I am the one who wants to cook because I love to... Lennox will be throwing most of his food on the floor whether it takes 2 minutes or 2 hours to prepare.

Being a parent is certainly a daily lesson in selfless-ness. I like reading your thoughts because they are honest and often the same thoughts that most of us (mothers) have... thanks for sharing. :)

Laura @ our messy messy life. said...

Thanks, Laurin! That's the truth about supper getting thrown on the floor no matter how much time I spend preparing it. Sad but true.

Mama Lake said...

I know how you feel all to well!! Right now I am sitting in the hall, "watching" my two older kids fall alseep. All while wishing they would before their baby brother wakes up!! Its craziness!!

Mandi S. said...

Ah, motherhood...just when you think you're rocking it and everything is smooth sailing, some little stinker has to go and flip the world upside down!! But then you figure out a new balance and round and round the cycle goes :)

Here's to balance, mama!

Laura @ our messy messy life. said...

Mama Lake, I know the feeling :)

Laura @ our messy messy life. said...

Exactly, Mandi. I was convinced today was going too well and I kept waiting for disaster. It will probably happen in the morning...

Amanda @ Gratefully Growing in Grace said...

Thank you for sharing, Laura, and as others have noted, you are not alone. I never knew how stressed out I would get over naps. I think God sent me these little blessings in part to teach me that I, one woman, cannot control as much of my life as I'd like... such as my children's sleep habits!!

Amanda said...

I don't know how I'll ever make it if we have another kid...your Henry sounds a LOT like my Jack. The whole ANTI SLEEP boy. We also have him in a double bed setup like you do so that one of us can help him fall asleep. It's really wearing on me. Your post helped me to realize that I am in the selfish stage right now. (I spend too much time on my computer while my son plays independently.) Taking time out for you is important, but so is being selfless for your family....HOW IS IT DONE??? Where is the perfect balance??? if you figure it out, let us know. :) Just know that you aren't alone.

The Quinns said...

Such a sweet picture of Taylor with a Henry-vine draped across him!

allnaturalmama said...

I DEFINITELY COULD HAVE WROTE THIS MYSELF.I AM IN THE SAME EXACT BOAT AND NEVER SEEN IT AS BEING SELFISH THAT I WANTED ME TIME SO BAD NOW THAT MY 2 YEAR OLD DOESN'T NAP FOR THE MOST PART NOW,I JUST SEEN IT AS DOING FOR EVERYONE ELSE AND NEEDED PEACE AND QUIET BY MYSELF FOR 2 HOURS BUT NOW I CAN LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY WHICH I REALLY NEED AT THIS MOMENT IN MY LIFE WITH 2 NEEDY ONES.