Comments on Comments: Boys and Guns

Welcome to my first day of National Blog Posting Month or NaBloPoMo.

Do you have a blog?  Join me!  All you have to do is post everyday, including weekends, during the month of November.  BlogHer is hosting this year's NaBlogPoMo and there are lots of prizes to be grabbed by daily posters.


Easy, right?
We shall see.
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I often use OMML to sort through my thoughts on various issues related to mothering and I never cease to be amazed at the wisdom other mamas share with me through their comments.  On a regular basis, these comments completely shift the way I previously viewed a subject.  I am thankful for the collective wisdom of mamas at different places in this parenting game that can help guide me and steer me when I am going in the opposite direction of where I need to be headed.

So.

Lucinda, I very very very much hope you were not a drive-by reader for my Boys and Guns post.  Your comment completely changed my reaction to Henry's obsession with shooting and make me realize that by outlawing "shooters" I was making them that much more desirable and if I simply come to terms that boys will shoot, life will be better and easier for everyone involved.  Thank you for your wise comment.......and please come back.  I need more comments from you!

 Lucinda said...

I have an 8 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. My experience is that they are quite different, and some of that is because of gender. My daughter really doesn't care about guns or shooting. My son will turn anything into a shooter and has since he was 3 or so.

We allow nerf guns in the house. We have a whole assortment of them. There are basic rules like you don't pretend to shoot people. We discuss the differences between "toy" guns and real guns which are not toys and can hurt people very badly. My son has never had any trouble understanding the difference. This past year he shot a 22 with his grandpa (without my knowledge) and was deeply struck by the power of this gun. I know he was taught safety and respect for the weapon so even though I hadn't been asked ahead of time, I knew it was a good experience for my son.

Guns are a reality of life. Boys are attracted to them. I asked my son today what it was that he liked about his guns. He said he liked it because it was like tag and target practice and war where one side beats the other. He didn't think about killing anyone. He just liked how he could battle. And that is how boys play. Guns are a part of that whether you give them one or not. So I believe to a certain degree you need to accept and allow the inherent differences between boys and girls and let them express those differences. To fight it leads to frustration for everyone.

For the record, my boy is also the kindest, gentlest soul I know. Far kinder than his sister. But he does love to shoot his nerf gun. Good luck figuring out what works best for your family.

Comments on Comments: VBAC

So.  I messed up.  Not the first time and it won't be the last.

After the first not so positive comment down to the latest almost brought tears to my eyes comment, I am fully aware that my VBAC post did not fly over so well.

I still stand by my facts.  As a natural childbirth advocate and a friend to many women who have experienced cesarean sections and a friend to many women who have fought for the support of a caring provider to stand by their side during a trial of labor after a cesarean, I have seen many sides of vaginal birth after a cesarean section.  I know the risk factors and I know the benefits.

But, having had two successful vaginal births, I am obviously not the best person to speak on the emotional side of a cesarean or a VBAC.

If you were offended, I am sorry.  I am a person of strong convictions and it oftentimes takes an equally strong opposing opinion to make me realize my way is not the only way.

The past two days of reflection on these comments reminds me of something Birth Without Fear posted on her Facebook page not too long ago about how she has come to realize that a mama's satisfaction with her birth experience has nothing to do with the way her child enters the world but everything to do with how she feels about her birth experience.  And, I realize now I should have made a similar disclaimer on my VBAC (now aptly title "10 Reasons to Avoid an Elective Cesarean thanks to an anonymous commenter) post.

And, because Mrs. BWF is much wiser about birth than me......


‎"There is no guarantee a VBAC will be successful." True. There is also no guarantee that a cesarean section or induction will be successful. There are no 100% guarantees in life. That is why birth 'is as safe as life gets'. This is why informed choice is important. Choose what you feel is best and find a supportive and competent care provider and have an empowering birth! ~Mrs. BWF